When I found out I was pregnant the second time around, I was honestly terrified. At that point I was pretty comfortable with parenting one child, but had no idea how my husband and I were going to transition to two especially since the girls would only be 16 months apart by the time baby #2 was born. I struggled to imagine what life would be like with two too. Along the way though, after our second girl was born, we figured it out. It took some time to get into a good routine but we did it. We did however approach some things differently with our second. A couple reasons why we did some things differently was because the temperament of both babies were VERY DIFFERENT and still are different. Also, because I think my husband and I had a better understanding of our parenting style and what we were comfortable and not comfortable with. So let's get started. Here are a few things my husband and I did differently with baby #2.
1.) Breastfeeding
I'm starting out strong here with this one. With my first, we tried breastfeeding for about 7 weeks. It was a part of becoming a new parent that I was not prepared for. I felt as if everyone told me the products I needed, but no one told me the cold hard truth about it. Breastfeeding, especially in the beginning, is challenging and can be daunting to your mental, physical and emotional health. I wanted to enjoy being a new parent, and I felt like I was always passing the baby to my husband so I could pump. I was completely miserable. She was completely miserable too. So after 7 weeks of doing everything I could to get my daughter to latch and increase my supply, I decided enough was enough. After about a week of feeling like a complete failure and guilty for choosing to stop, I felt like a new person. I felt as if I was just then starting to enjoy being a new mom. It felt like so much weight was lifted and I could breathe. When we found out we were pregnant again, without a doubt decided we were going to exclusively formula feed. I know that there are a lot of benefits in the beginning with breastfeeding and maybe I could've given it a try again but I decided for my mental health, I wasn't going to do it. So, I didn't. I have no regret about it either.
2.) Moving to Own Room Early
We decided pretty early on that we wanted to put baby girl 2 in her own room. She was about 5 weeks old. With our first, we had no idea. We read a lot that you should wait 6 months or even longer, so we just moved her when she no longer fit in the bassinet. I actually experienced a lot of sadness when we moved our first to her own room. I loved having her next to me. I would wake up in the middle of the night and check on her and that brought me comfort. However, with our second baby, we had a plan. We knew the changes of sleep that happened for all three of us when we moved our first to her own room, so we decided for at least the first month we will keep her next to us in a bassinet, but then move her to her own room shortly after. That was exactly what we did. I slept better, my husband slept better and even baby girl 2 slept better. It made sleep training so much easier too when we started that later on because she was already so used to her crib and that was one less thing we had to worry about.
3.) Planned Sleep Schedule
When it came to sleep with our first, we had no idea what we were doing. We didn't know the best sleep training methods, we didn't know when would be a good wake-up or bedtime. No clue. It was something that we learned along the way and kind of just went with the flow. We had scheduled nap times around 4 months old but the newborn stage, we just took it one day at a time. With baby girl 2, we knew we wanted her to get used to starting her day at 7am and "bedtime" would be later but then we would slowly but surely push bedtime earlier and earlier. We also worked on nap times pretty early too. I felt like I needed to because I wanted to create a predictable schedule with two kids. I also felt like I needed to do this because baby girl 2 would only be able to stay awake for 30-45 minutes and then would get overtired real quick. We had to come up with a strict schedule for her to avoid her getting overtired. It worked like a charm. When she slept, she was content. If we missed her sleepy cues and waited too long, she would be the most miserable baby and would cry for hours. Scheduled sleep was important for her and she was a different baby because of it. I am so glad we approached sleep this way. The girls know when they are going to sleep and they usually sleep very well. Our 2nd baby wakes up around 7am almost every morning. Sometimes before, but she is good to hang out in there until we get her at 7am. My husband and I decided we wanted sleep (day and nighttime sleep) to be a priority. So every schedule change, centered around their sleep.
4.) Solid Foods
This is probably one of the biggest differences between the two babies. With our first, we started giving solids shortly after 4 months. I don't know why but I felt pressure that I needed to start as soon as possible if I wanted her to be a good eater. Well joke on us... she was not a good eater. And still isn't. She did great with purees, but I think with the fact that she wasn't ready and my husband and I feeling so anxious about her choking, mealtime was always a disaster. It wasn't until around 11 months old that she started to eat solids comfortably and my husband and I were comfortable about it too. We still had our moments but it definitely improved by then. With our second, totally different. We did not push solids early. At four months, we started with introducing the high chair. We wanted her to get used to sitting in the high chair during breakfast, lunch and dinner. We started to introduce purees around 5-6 months old. Around 7-8 months, we tried the baby led weaning approach. She adjusted so well to all of it. She is definitely our eater. She is so great with picking up the food off her tray and chewing it. I definitely feel a lot less anxious with baby girl 2 during mealtime. My husband needed to learn to relax a bit at first, but once he saw that she was able to handle it extremely well, he felt way more comfortable with it too. The best advice to anyone with a young infant, from my experience, we had better success with solids when we waited.
Those are 4 MAJOR differences. There's more but doesn't need as much detail.
5.) Family members were able to meet and hold baby 2 shortly after she was born. Baby girl 1 was born at the beginning of COVID, so we did window visits only until she was about 5 weeks old.
6.) We used the Owlet sock for both. We stopped using it sooner with our 2nd than our 1st. I was terrified to stop using with my first. With my second, I would consistently forget to turn it on (haha). That's when we knew we didn't need it anymore.
7.) Baby girl 2 would only take 1 kind of pacifier, so we made sure we had many laying around of that 1 kind. Baby 1 would take all pacifiers. She however loved her pacifier that was connected to a stuffed animal. She still sleeps with the stuffed animal part. Baby girl 2 wanted nothing to do with the stuffed animal pacifiers.
8.) Playtime. We needed a large baby gate to gate off baby 1. She would never sit still to play. The gate was to keep her in one place and safe. With baby 2, we have not used the large gate once. She does not move as much as our first did. She plays longer in one spot. It's a nice change.
9.) Baby 2 sleeps with a sleep sack still. Once again, the feeling of pressure made me feel that I needed to transition baby 1 out of the sleep sack early on. I think we transitioned around 5 months. With baby 2, she loves her sleep sack and we have long sleeve for when she's wearing shorts and t-shirt for nap and cut-off sleeves when she's wearing a long-sleeve nighty for bedtime.
10.) Finally, we trust our own instincts more with baby 2. With baby 1, we questioned everything we did. We would constantly ask others what to do or what they did for advice. It then got to the point that we were getting different opinions, that made things confusing and overwhelming. So with baby 2, we ignored all opinions and did things our way. I think I cared too much about what others thought of me as a parent. Whether I was doing it right or wrong, or doing a good or bad job. Over time, I learned that no matter what you choose to do as a parent, someone is always going to have something to say. I have learned to trust my own instincts and decisions as a parent instead of always confiding in and listening to others. So now parenting baby girl 2, I do feel like I am in more control with how I'm parenting her.
If you have more than one kiddo or are going to, what are some things you did or will do differently? Let me know, I'm curious!!
Thank you once again for reading. I know this was a long one but I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it.
Love Always,
~Susana
Comments