After Bedtime Meltdown

Have you ever experienced a meltdown from your child after you already put your kids to sleep and you’re not exactly sure what caused it at first? Because they’re already tired, the meltdown is potentially worse? Well I have and this week would have to say went through one of the worst meltdowns that I have ever experienced. Here’s a meltdown experience after bedtime.

We usually put the girls to bed around 7, 7:15 depending on the day and how quickly a routine goes. we’ve been pretty consistent with it and we always try to have the girls go to bed on a positive note. I feel it is very important to start a day and end the day with your children as calm and as positive and as happy as possible. As we all know, it doesn’t always end up being that way, there are some really hard days. There are days where they wake up sick and they are sad. There are days where they go to bed and they had a really long day and they’re overstimulated, so they’re more exhausted and more prone to have a meltdown in the evening.

This week, my four-year-old ended up having a meltdown about an hour and a half after we put her down for bed. I went upstairs to check on my three year-old, because she was coughing and I could tell that she was waking up so I wanted to make sure she was OK. When I went to check on her she told me that she had to use the potty. So I said OK go. She used the potty and she went back to bed. During that time, my four-year-old wakes up because my four-year-old and my three-year-old shares a room. My four-year-old wakes up angry. She’s flustered, she’s kicking her legs. She’s started to cry. She clearly was unhappy about something or uncomfortable about something. So we tried to talk to her during this time, and when she gets to that point of a full on meltdown, it is almost impossible to reason with her or to talk with her. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just work through the meltdown. So we removed her from the room brought her downstairs so that our three-year-old could go back to sleep. We brought her downstairs and she’s flailing her arms. She’s kicking her feet. She’s throwing herself down to the ground and my husband and I are sitting there watching her trying to talk to her and understand what is happening. It escalated even more from there. During this time, I remain very calm and I give her a space that she can be safe so if she throws herself down, she doesn’t hurt herself and I’m close to her, but not too close that will trigger more frustration from her. I also stay close so that when she’s ready for a hug or for me to help her, I’m there. This is something that I like to do often with these meltdowns just so that I can stay close and stay calm and they know that when they start to feel regulated, I am still there and I help them through whatever they’re feeling.

It gets to the point where I finally get her to calm down. This may have been about a 45 minute meltdown. Once she started to calm down, she was able to speak and communicate to us that her mouth hurt. I checked her mouth and she had an ulcer or a canker sore in her lower mouth that looked very sore. All of a sudden, it made sense. I understood why she was angry. She woke up from her sister waking up and probably had excruciating pain in her mouth and it was frustrating for her and she wasn’t able to sleep and she wasn’t able to be comfortable, but she also was in so much pain and very tired that she was unable to communicate that pain. Once she was able to calm down, then she was able to communicate it. So of course we spent the rest of the evening calming her down, keeping her calm, keeping her happy, we treated the canker sore and we also gave her water. We then gave her some Tylenol. And she was happy.

It got to the point where my husband decided to go out onto our screened in porch and sit since the meltdown was overwhelming for us as well. He decided to start the table fire that we have while out there. We have a propane fire table that you can turn on the fire easily. It was a nice evening so once my daughter calmed down, I took her out there and we got to hang out with daddy for a little bit. Mind you this was all at like 10:45 PM, 11 PM. This is unlike any other evening. And definitely not where we thought our evening was gonna go. So then my husband suggested why don’t you go get our other daughter and bring her down. So I went up to my other daughters room and I said “hey, we are on the screened in porch sitting by the fire would you like to join us?” She woke up groggy of course but eventually she held onto me and I took her downstairs. So for about 30 minutes around 11 PM on a random Tuesday, we are all sitting outside on the screened in porch sitting by the fire, talking, relaxing, hanging out with each other. All because of a meltdown that started an hour and a half prior.

Just goes to show that when you put a kid to bed, you really don’t know how the night is going to go. Majority of the time they’re gonna sleep. But they’re gonna be some nights where your routine gets completely thrown away. As parents we just have to go with it. I am huge on schedule. I’m huge on routine. Sleep is definitely a priority in our house. So when we all don’t sleep, it does cause a lot more meltdowns and a lot more frustration due to the fact that we are short on sleep.

The next day, the girls were in a decent mood because they went to bed happy. I knew during that meltdown that I did not want my daughter to go back to sleep until she was able to calm down and communicate what she was feeling. It all came down to patience.

Eventually, we all went to bed shortly before midnight, and what started out to be a very sad and very frustrating evening, ended up being a very relaxing that caused a lot of connection and bonding with all of us. Like I said not what we would’ve planned for or thought would’ve happened that night. We adjusted and went with it. We were there for our daughter, and she clearly was in need of our help. Once we figured it out, she was happy and able to sleep. She got a good night sleep because of it.

I do truly believe that our reaction to what’s going on with our kids can really set the mood and if we remain calm, it creates an environment for our children that they eventually will learn what it means to be calm in the moment of chaos. It is one thing that I standby that we are our children’s calm during their moments of chaos. It is very important to me and I believe in it wholeheartedly. I’m not perfect with it though. I’m only human and on some days I am more triggered than others. But I recognize that in myself and have learned to ask my husband for help and walk away for a bit to gather myself. That helps keep me regulated.

Have you ever had an experience like this with your children? Where the nighttime routine goes way off track or there’s some sort of pain or frustration going on with your child that you really struggle to figure out? Share with me, I’d love to chat about it.

Thank you so much for reading!

Susana