There are some things people have done in my life since becoming a parent that may seem little or even natural for some, but mean so much to me. As I've gotten older, it's the little things in life that make me smile. To some it might not seem like much, but to me, it means the world.
"You're such a good mom":
I received this as a text message after a play date. The end of the play date I was dealing with a two year old who didn't want to leave, so of course I had to chase her around the house and remove her from the playdate screaming in my arms. I was so embarrassed and on the drive home felt exhausted from the energy my toddler had in the car after leaving the playdate. When I got home, I received this message and instantly I felt better about the way we left. This mom friend was kind, was not judgemental of how we left, very understanding, and because of that, I wanted to go back for another playdate. Surrounding yourself with moms who lift you up can make the most defeating moment feel not so defeating. Thank you to the kind soul who sent me this text ❤️
Listening ear:
When I feel hurt, I keep it in. However, there are some people who I feel safe sharing my feelings to. To those who just listen to me vent, even if you can't relate, give me the space to let go of so many negative feelings I have, it helps me so much. I may have a handful of people in my life I feel safe with my emotions and that's all I need. If you have taken the time to listen to me and to understand me without telling me how I should feel or what I should do, Thank you. You've helped me in more ways than I can share.
"I can Relate":
One phrase that really bugs me is "I understand how you feel". I don't think anyone can truly understand how someone else feels even if you experienced the same things. The phrase that I try to say and that I have received a handful of times is "I can relate". When I am sharing an experience and someone says this to me, they're saying they understand what I'm experiencing because they have had a similar experience. Feelings and experiences are different. We can have similar experiences but different feelings about it. Feelings are WAY MORE personal and in my opinion, no one feels the exact same way. If you have ever said "I can relate" to me, it helps me feel heard and and feel like I'm not alone.
Asking first before doing:
I have experienced both ends of this, being asked permission, or not being asked at all. This mostly relates to my children. Asking a parent permission first before doing something or giving that parent's child something is the most respectful thing you can do. It means so much to me when someone says "ask mom first" or if they are watching my child and sends me a text message or calls me if it's okay to give something or do something helps me trust that person even more than what I already do. All I ever want as a parent is respect by those around me. If I receive that, it does not go unnoticed. If you have done this to me, thank you. If you have done this to other parents, just know your respect can make a difference in a parent's day.
Zero judgement:
Before being a parent, I was so naive to how hard parenting can be. Especially as a mother. Unfortunately I had to learn the hard way that no matter what we choose to do with our children, there will always be judgement. Sadly, people are not afraid to tell you what you're doing "wrong" too. When I visit or talk to another parent or have a friend who listens and does not make me feel judged, those are the people I want to keep in my life. If you approach parenthood like this with me or with anyone else, thank you.
Check-in texts:
I try to do this as much as possible especially with people who have had a positive influence on my life. I have a handful of people who message me and ask me how I'm doing. Genuinely, checking in. Even if the conversation only lasts a few minutes, it leaves a major impact.
"You give me hope":
I was having a difficult day, both girls crying all morning. No matter what I did or said, I could not make them feel happy or content. I was flustered and felt so defeated. I was desperate for a change of the day, so I took the girls to the park. This was my very first time taking them solo without my husband. And if you know my girls, you know they like to run. Like run away. So me against two toddlers was very intimidating for me. But I did it anyways. We go to the park, and to my surprise, it was absolutely wonderful. The mood of the day completely turned around for the better and I was so pleased. As I am playing and chasing around my girls, another mom shows up. She had a two year old. We sparked some conversation, and after watching me with my two girls she said "I am expecting and have been very nervous having two littles close in age. Watching you, you give me hope. You give me hope that I'm going to be okay". I can't even remember what I said in response to that. She has no idea that what she said to me made me feel as if I wasn't failing that day despite how I was feeling just an hour prior. It can make all the difference what you say to someone else, not knowing the kind of day they're having. To this mom, thank you. Your words were so kind, and gave me hope as well.
FaceTime or phone calls:
May seem like the smallest thing to do, but is so important. My girls love and appreciate it too. They get so excited when someone calls just to talk to them. I've been on the other end, when I'm away and I call to say goodnight or FaceTime just to see them. It is the absolute sweetest. They really just love their people and love when their people love them back. A simple FaceTime or phone call makes all the difference.
A Hug can go a long way:
I am not a hug person. Never have, never will. But when I need it, a hug helps me in ways that I can't describe. My husband is very good at this. We don't hug each other often but he always knows when I need one.
Meeting half way:
My friends from college and a friend I had and still have when I was a toddler teacher are VERY good at this. My friendships from my early twenties have lasted because of the effort of meeting halfway. It is not one sided. May only happen a few times a year, but it is something I look forward to every single time. I've done it with my girls, and I've done it when I'm having a solo night. It's wonderful. I've been doing it for years, even after becoming a mom, I truly believe it is what has kept my closest friendships stronger than ever.
Coffee or Breakfast surprise:
My sister and my mom are so good at doing this for me. When they would visit or come for a playdate, they would show up with a coffee or breakfast surprise. How thoughtful is that?!? Not even telling me about it, just showing up with it. Not only are they making the effort coming to me, but surprising me with a little treat. It may seem little, but means so much to me. Kindness and not expecting anything in return, is everything.
Gift of Experience:
When we had my three year old's birthday party, a very kind couple who loves and adores my three old gifted her a gift of experience. They wrote in a card they wanted to take her to a trampoline park as her birthday gift! We planned it shortly after her birthday party and my three year old had the time of her life. It was her first time at a trampoline park. Honestly, the best gift is the gift of any experience. May cost a little more and may cause for some more planning, but my three year old and even my almost two year old loved every second of it. It benefitted me and my husband as well because we got to spend some time with some really good friends. To this day, one of my favorite gifts my girls received. To the very sweet friends who gifted this to my three year old, thank you. Your friendship and how you treat my children is so special.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I am curious what small gestures or things people have said to you meant so much and made a difference in your life before or after becoming a parent. Or made a difference in your children's life!
Thanks for being here 🫶
Susana
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