Oh how I love celebrating mothers. Especially the mothers that are in the trenches of motherhood currently. Motherhood is hard. But also so incredible and so rewarding at the same time. I love being a mom. I love my mom. And I have amazing maternal role models in my life. To celebrate Mother’s Day this year I want to share what I love about my girls. They are both very unique in their own ways and I want to celebrate that. They are in fact the reason I am a mom besides my husband of course.
First Born:
My first born came into this world in a very calm, quiet way. She also took her sweet little time. She just turned 4 years old and is one of the sweetest little human beings I have ever gotten to know in my entire life. The first two years of her life, she didn’t talk much. We were very concerned. We did a few months of speech therapy. She now talks nonstop. She has so much to say. I love that about her.
When she was a baby. She was so chill and slept so well. I got a very magical first baby experience. She rarely cried and when she did it was easy to soothe her. I never felt sleep deprived. It was a dream. I felt like I had my shit together. I felt like I had everything under control. I felt like a good mom. I felt like I was on top of the world. I didn’t understand what people meant when they said “newborns were hard”. I was very naive to it all because she was such an “easy” baby. Boy, was I wrong. And my second born snapped me back to reality with that one. But I’ll get to later. My first born was a literal dream. I do feel grateful for having a very calm newborn experience with her. Her toddler years were different. She struggled with regulating her emotions. I had to teach myself how to regulate my emotions while trying to teach her. That was a challenge but we both grew with understanding our emotions together. Especially after her sister was born. I wouldn’t trade my first baby experience for the world. It was everything I ever wanted and more.
There’s so much that I love about my quirky little girl. I love how she gives me the biggest hugs and never wants to let go. I love how she wants to always dance and sing with me. I love her kindness and how empathetic she is. She is the best big sister. Always thinking about others. She also feels hard. This part of her I feel for her because I know how hard it is to feel so much and struggle to share or voice those emotions. She has learned how to communicate her emotions but also has learned that she is in a safe space to do so. It breaks my heart how something so little can make her sad and make her feel left out or how she feels sad when watching someone else feels sad. She cries for others.
Her soft, caring soul has made me a better person. I want to see the world in her eyes. Seeing the beauty in others. She loves her people, and she loves her people hard.
I see myself in her. The little girl I used to be. She is scared of the little things but also never gives up when things get hard. She loves Art and drawing. She loves to write. She loves to dance, singing, Taylor Swift (Speak Now Album), she loves costumes, bows, glittery shoes. She loves to paint, she loves to run, she loves to play with others. She prefers to hold my hand over being carried. She loves to help me bake and cook. All she wants to do is help. It is easy to talk to her, it is fun to hear her stories. She talks with her hands. She has mastered the sassy eye glare. Everything about her is very me. It is so cool to see that because a part of me feels like I am watching myself as a young child.
My favorite thing she has recently said to me is “mommy, I see you’re frustrated. Let’s take a deep breath together”. And we did. She’s truly amazing, and I am lucky to be her momma.
Second Born:
I will try not to tear up for this one.
My second born came into this world in a very fiesty and fast way. It was pure chaos. It took me weeks after she was born to process how her birth happened. Birth trauma is hard. I was not ready for her. But GOD knew what he was doing when he blessed me with her.
Having her opened my eyes up to reality. The reality of motherhood. I was struggling, I was drowning, I was not okay. She was a newborn that was labeled as “difficult”. She was treated differently because she cried all the time. She did not get the same attention my first born got. I felt very protective of her. Maybe it’s because of how/when I found out I was pregnant with her. Maybe it’s because for the first 6 weeks of her life, I thought she was deaf in one ear and I blamed myself for that. Maybe it’s because the late nights with her, never being able to soothe her, and feeling so helpless. Maybe it’s because she had extreme acid reflux that burned her chest and all I wanted to do was take away the pain for her and I couldn’t. I changed because of her. In a good way. In a way that I needed, even though it didn’t seem like it at the time.
She is now two almost three years old. Only 16 months younger than my first. She has a very VERY strong personality. And I love that about her. She does things her way and her way only. She will not let anyone get in her way for what she wants and how she wants it. She screams and yells to get my attention. Correction: She screams and yells just because. She is just a loud kid and to some that can be very intimidating. She likes to test the boundaries. She likes to be sneaky and see what she can get away with. She is the sour to the sour patch kid. But man, do I love her for all that she is. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I love how she challenges me. I love how in the middle of a meltdown the only thing that can calm her down is my embrace. I can feel her body melt and regulate herself the moment I hold her. I am the center of her world. She loves her daddy, she loves her sister, she loves other people in her family, but when it comes to me, she always chooses me. Attached to my hip. My little shadow. I love how she looks at me and smiles with a squint just to be silly. I love her adorable little dimple on her cheek. I love her obsession with jumping even if that means she gets many bruises on her legs. I love her constant “I need you mommy”, and just wants a hug. I love how she wants to do everything her sister does but with her own flare. I love her 5:30am singing to Elsa’s “Let it Go”. That girl loves to sing. I love how she acts afraid but still finds a way to solve her problem. I love how she only needs help once, figures it out, then wants to do it all by herself. She’s stubborn, but tenacious. And I love her for that. I love her energy, I love how fiery she is. I love how she wants to protect her sister. She isn’t afraid to stand up for herself.
She is her own zip code.
The most recent thing she said to me that just melted my heart was after she coughed and I asked her if she was okay, her response is “I’m okay mommy. Thank you so much for asking”. She is the sweetest thing.
I don’t know what I did to deserve the two little girls I am blessed with. I love every second with them, but it also makes me so sad how quickly they are growing and learning. Their growing and learning is also the most rewarding thing about being their momma too. It’s such a bittersweet, magical and precious time. I am holding on tight to it.
Happy Mother’s to all the incredible mothers out there. Although I know mothers should be celebrated every day, I hope this one day is a little extra special for you. I am living my dream. Being a mom is a dream come true. It is everything to me. It is the best thing that has happened to me. It has humbled me. It has helped me grow. I chose to be a mother. I was blessed with two beautiful little girls. Now I get the opportunity to choose those two little girls for the rest of my life. It can’t get better than that.
Happy Mother’s Day ❤️
-Susana
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