I am sitting here, post meltdown, reflecting on a meltdown my 2 year old had. There's a few things I do that works every time and feel could be helpful to other parents dealing with meltdowns with their toddlers.
The Meltdown:
It doesn't take much for my two year old to get upset. It can be as simple as closing the refrigerator door when she wanted to do it herself. When my toddler gets upset, she goes in full explosive mode. She cries and screams and there is absolute zero way of being able to talk to her. She will kick and throw things. Sometimes even smack me in the face or knock my glasses off. I've dealt with so many meltdowns now that it is almost the same thing every time. I have come up with different strategies and different ways to say or do things to prevent a meltdown from happening. I'm learning and still learning to help make my daughter's environment as helpful as I can. So picture this, I am in full meltdown mode with my two year old, she is screaming, crying and throws herself to the ground. She doesn't want anything or anyone at the moment. It is impossible to talk to her. If I feel overwhelmed, I walk away for about 30 seconds, take a few deep breaths, then return. A calm parent is all they need in a moment they have lost complete control of their emotions.
Post Meltdown:
Get on their level: I get down to the ground, and I look at my two year old and my entire attention goes to her. I stay calm and talk to her asking "what can I do to help you", or "do you need me to give you a hug", "I see you're having really big feelings, I am here for you, to help you". I make it known to her that I am there for her and I am not going anywhere. My only goal is to help work through what she is feeling.
Embrace:
with my three year old, I scoop her up and hold her. Sometimes all she needs is just to be held. With my two year old, I ask her if she wants a hug. My two year old is a hit or miss with hugs. Sometimes she wants it, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she wants it right away, sometimes she wants it when she calms down a bit. Either way, I always end up giving her a very big hug, and just holding her. During this time, I say "your feelings are safe with me". Sounds corny I know, but I think it is important that they know they can feel with their parents.
Sing a Song:
Both my girls have a specific song for them. Singing them a song works every single time. This is during the embrace. I've been singing the same song to each girl since they were babies. My two year old specifically because there were MANY nights I was up with her at night and couldn't get her to sleep until I sang a song. And when a song worked every time, I sang that song every time. For my three year old, it's "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid. For my two year old it's "Your Song" by Elton John. My two year old has heard Elton John's song so often that now when I am singing it and she starts calming down, she starts to sing it with me. Yea, she knows the words. My Three year old when she's with me and I'm singing it, she sings it with me to my two year old. It is actually very sweet. The other day actually, my three year old was singing it to my husband just because. My two year old will also request me to sing it. It works every time. And it's such a good song too. I love that we get to share it together.
Validate their Feelings:
This one is huge. I ALWAYS validate my daughters' feelings especially during and after a meltdown. I usually say things like "that must of made you so sad that I closed the door when you wanted to do it yourself". It's as simple as that. Recognizing their feelings, and telling them that they have every right to feel it. They feel heard and understood. Think of yourself for example. How does it feel when you vent or share an experience with someone and they listen to you and validate your feelings. Doesn't it help you feel less alone in a moment you are seeking for help? Seeking to be heard? There's no shame or judgement. That is exactly what my toddlers need during and after a meltdown and it connects us every single time.
Be Relatable:
I do this more with my three year old than my two year because she understands a little bit more, but after a meltdown and she starts to calm down, we don't stop there. I take time to talk to her about what she was feeling. I typically do this after I validate what she's feeling in that moment. I talk to her about different things that make me feel sad too. This not only says that it is okay for her to feel sad, but it teaches my daughter that even as adults, we feel too. That she is not alone. She listens to me, and asks me questions. It is another way that we see eye to eye and she feels understood.
Read a Book:
Once things start to calm down even more, I offer the idea to read a book together. Sometimes I pick the book. I have this collection of Emotions books that are AMAZING resources. But I also see if they want to choose a book too. Sometimes it is a yes, sometimes it is a no. Just depends on the moment I guess.
Write or Draw:
If they don't want to read, I offer the opportunity to write in a journal or draw. Just like reading, it is sometimes a yes and sometimes a no. It's just a calm and quiet activity option to do right after a meltdown to continue the peace.
Take a Walk or go to the Park:
If it is nice out. Not too hot, or not too cold, I will grab a snack, and put the girls in their stroller and we will go for a nice long walk. I usually talk to my girls during walks, but after a meltdown, a walk to used for peace and quiet. To allow them to enjoy the nature and not feel required to talk. My girls sometimes feel overwhelmed or overstimulated after a meltdown, like they just need a break from me or a break from being active. A walk is perfect to set the mood, change the scenery, and give us all a break.
That is all that I usually do post meltdown. I'm curious, what works well with you? For you personally or with your own children? Do you have a special song you like to sing? I'd love to chat about it!
Thank you so much for reading!
Susana
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