I have been avoiding this topic for a while now. I continued to change the date I wanted to write about it. This is a topic that is very personal to me. I don't talk about it often. Those that know me, like truly know me and have taken the time to talk to me about it, understand the amount of anxiety I live with on a daily basis. I've gotten comments "but you're so calm, I didn't know you struggled with anxiety". That's the thing, it's been a part of me since high school. It heightened when I became a mom. When I first started writing this post, I started writing every situation where my anxiety was "out of control", and it seemed very negative. I decided to change my approach. I don't want to talk about experiences with it, I want to talk about what I have implemented in my life to manage it. I want to add a positive twist to it because anxiety does not define me, it strengthens me. Here's what I do to manage my anxiety.
Cleaning:
Every evening, I try to clean up everything that is out of place. I don't go all out OCD on it, but I at least get toys off the floor, clean the kitchen and start the dishwasher. Doing this has helped me tremendously. I wake up every morning in a clean space. If I didn't clean up the main things every evening, I would wake up in chaos. I have learned throughout the years, especially after being a mom when clutter was more, and time was less, that waking up to a clean space has helped start my day in a calm manner. If I wake up in chaos, my mind is usually chaos the rest of the day. If I wake up in calm, I can handle more of the chaos during the day. It's the most simple thing to do, but it helps. If someone ever tells me "you don't need to clean up the toys, they are just going to mess it up tomorrow", that person clearly does not know me very well.
A Moment to Breathe:
If I am feeling overworked and overstimulated, I try to find time to breathe in my day. That could literally be stepping outside for 5 minutes while my husband has the girls so I can take a breather. I stand there, breathe in and out, and then I'm ready to walk back in to my very crazy life as a mom. Giving myself that time is so important. I also found that a quiet walk outside has helped me. Especially when I am home by myself with the girls. If I am starting to feel overwhelmed, I immediately put them in their stroller, and I go outside and walk. A good thirty minute walk can really make a difference. If the weather is absolutely perfect, that's a bonus. I also enjoy just going in the car with the girls or even by myself. I put on my favorite podcast if I am by myself, or if I'm with my girls, their favorite songs. And I just drive. I usually go to the local coffee shop and get myself a hot beverage. It makes a difference giving myself a daily break.
Hugs:
Never underestimate the power of a hug. I have always preferred hugs over anything else. I don't usually like to be touched, but when I am having a day of struggle, I just need to be held. My husband sometimes can see how overwhelmed I am and he asks if I need a hug. I never turn it down. He just holds me, I take a couple deep breaths, and all of a sudden, I feel calmer. There's something about his embrace that really helps me.
Phone Call or Text:
If there's a person, or situation that is making me feel anxious, I just need to find someone who let me talk about it and they will listen. There was a situation I was in, that my anxiety actually caused a panic attack. I was by myself and struggling to breathe. I called my mom. As I am uncontrollably crying and having trouble breathing, my mom talks to me. She shares her experiences, and stories. She stays calm and eventually I start to calm down too.
My sister is also a great listener. She texts me back and lets me talk. I tell her more than I tell anyone else. Very personal things. She listens and never judges. Sometimes I'll text out of the blue and say I need to talk about something. Knowing I have two people other than my husband that I can call or text whenever I need it, has really helped me. Just by letting out my feelings and talking about it instead of keeping it in to myself releases anxiety that I'm feeling. It's comforting knowing I have that in my life.
Folding Towels:
I am a huge fan of towels, and more specifically, folding towels. The warmth of towels right out of the dryer is so calming, and the repetition of the folding is like self therapy. I absolutely love it. I do a towel load once a week. So it is a good amount of towels to fold. I sit on my bed with the towels and I go into a towel folding trance. Seriously, it is the best. All other laundry, yea..... no. I'll do it, but I don't enjoy it. Give me a basket of towels to fold, and I am the happiest/calmest girl in the entire world.
Turn off the lights and turn on soft music or favorite movie:
Right after lunch time with my girls, I turn off the lights, and I either play soft music while they are playing, or I put on a Disney movie. During this time is when I start to pick up the mess from lunch, or the toys that got all over the place from playtime in the morning. It's also the time that I try to sit and eat. Doing this is like a midday reset. I have noticed change in my afternoon behavior when I don't do it, compared to when I do. It may be something so small, but it makes the biggest difference for the rest of the day. It's also very calming for the girls as well.
When I was a teacher, I usually liked to eat by myself. It was my midday reset as a teacher. It wasn't that I didn't want to be social in the faculty lounge, it was just better for me mentally to be in my own space, by myself and not talk to anyone. I needed that time to recharge. If you're a teacher, you understand the stress and amount of energy put into every day. That lunch reset made a difference for me, and I was typically able to focus more in the afternoon because of it.
Remove myself:
I don't mean to be rude when this happens, and it can happen often. However, if I am feeling anxious around someone, in a large gathering, or around family, sometimes I need to remove myself. When I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety after my first was born, one thing that the doctor recommended to me, that if there is a situation I am in that is making me feel anxious, it is okay to remove myself from that situation. For example, let's say I get in a heated argument with a family member or friend. Instead of staying in the situation, I leave. Maybe it's walking into another room, or leaving the house altogether. It's still removing myself. This can come across as rude, and disrespectful. However, it goes back to those that truly know me. Those that know me and respect me, will NEVER put me in a situation like that.
Planning:
I am a BIG list person. When I have a whole bunch of tasks to complete, I take the time to write it all down. There's something about checking off or crossing something on a list when it's done. It may be little, but it is still an accomplishment. When completing one task, it makes it easy to look at the list and pick the next task to complete. My thoughts are organized and I don't usually forget to do anything because of it.
I plan dinner a month in advance. Doing this helps think less about what groceries we need. I do a grocery order every Sunday. I look at the calendar to see what's for dinner for the week, and I put what's needed on the order. We get our groceries delivered to us. If you haven't taken advantage of that service yet, I HIGHLY recommend it. It is the most convenient time saving thing when it comes to grocery shopping.
Sleep:
I don't need to go into much detail with this one. It is the most obvious one. Sleep is SOOOOO important. I have lost a lot of sleep when I became a mom. More with my second than my first. My second is not a fan of sleep. I do what I can to sleep. I try to go to bed at a decent time and I wake up shortly before she does. I don't wake up too early if I don't have to. During the nights I sleep well, I am much calmer and focused throughout the day. During the nights that I did not sleep well, it usually affects me the next couple days and I am a chaotic mess. My mind is a mess, I struggle to focus, my energy is low and I rely too much on coffee. I can't say this enough, sleep is SO important.
Writing:
Ever since I was a little girl, writing was my release. It was a way of me sharing my thoughts that I struggled to say out loud. I had a journal in elementary school all the way through high school. I wrote in a journal in college after my first major heartbreak. When I couldn't sleep, I wrote. When I couldn't stop crying, I would write all my feelings of why I'm crying down. It helped me think clearly, it helped me manage anxiety/panic attacks, it helped me express myself. I think that is a big reason why I love blogging so much. I am writing things I struggle to say out loud.
Thank you SO much for reading. I hope this may have helped anyone who deals with anxiety daily like me. Maybe it gives you some ideas. This is me and being completely vulnerable talking about this topic. But I think by keeping it positive is what most who have it need to hear. Find what makes you calm and happy, and make that a part of your routine. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here for you. I hear you, I see you, I got you.
Love Always,
Susana
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