What is emotional support? What does it look like to you when you or someone else is receiving emotional support? How does it make you feel once you receive it? I have a personal experience that happened recently to me that in my opinion is the perfect example of emotional support and I want to share it with you.
A lot of you already know that recently me and my little family moved about two hours away from an area my husband and I both grew up. It was and still is a big change and will take time to adjust to, but is also very exciting to create a new home somewhere else. Moving took us about two days. The first day my husband and I woke up at 4:30am to finish last minute things in our house before our realtor came over at 9:30am to take pictures for our house. It was an insane morning but we got done what we needed to get done. We then left after pictures to drive to our new house. About a two hour drive. The rest of the day consisted of unpacking, closing on our new house, more unpacking, trying to remember to eat, set up girls beds, then go to sleep.
We then woke up the next morning to drive back to our old house to pick up things we couldn't fit in the day before, and let in the cleaning crew who we hired to deep clean our house the day before listing. I woke up feeling overwhelmed and exhausted from the busy day we had the day before. But I knew I needed to get everything done by the time the cleaning crew came over so we had a presentable home for showings.
My first task once we arrived at our house was figure out a way to get my two toddlers entertained while I deep cleaned my couch. We kept the couch at the old house so there was some "staging" when people came to visit our home. I found out that morning that the cleaning crew does not steam clean furniture, so I added that to my list of things to do. I got the girls distracted and I started to clean the couch.
I could feel the overwhelming feeling getting worse. I honestly had no idea how we were going to get everything done before the cleaning crew came. Have you ever gotten a feeling like your emotions are starting to get out of control and your body starts to tense up and you can't breathe? That's how I started to feel. It was a slight panic attack. My husband was upstairs doing what he needed to do, so I was on my own managing the girls and trying to clean the couch on top of other things. But the couch was my focus at that moment.
I finished cleaning the couch and without thinking, I removed the dirty water container and turned it upside down that all the dirty water spilled all over the floor. I completely lost it. I of course screamed and started to cry. Every emotion I was feeling and keeping inside just all came out at once. My husband heard me scream and asked if I were okay. I told him I was not okay. And in my own very annoyed, angry, frustrated, emotional way told him I spilled all the dirty water from cleaning the couch, on the floor. I fell to my knees feeling completely defeated.
What my husband did next changed everything for me. He rushed downstairs with towels and cleaned the floor. He not once showed that he was annoyed with me, he not once made me feel like I was a burden for taking him away from his tasks to help me. He came because he knew I needed help. He didn't just clean up the floor for me. He talked to me, calmly. He validated what I was feeling. He told me the couch looks good and I did a great job. He said that we are almost done and we're almost to the finish line. While he talked to me calmly, I started to calm down as well too. It was exactly what I needed in the moment that I lost control of my emotions. I gathered myself, took some deep breaths and finished what I needed to finish. We got every thing done that we needed to before the cleaning crew came.
What my husband did for me is exactly what I do with my girls every single time they have a meltdown. I am their emotional support, validate their feelings when they have trouble communicating their emotions. I am their calm when they feel like their world is crumbling. We as adults need it just as much as they do. We forget how similar we can be. The difference is, we can communicate our emotions and understand it. They however can't. It is our job to teach them, to model it for them, and to be there for them.
My daughter had a meltdown today and I instantly thought of how I felt when my husband helped me when I was not okay. I kept that in mind when I helped my toddler. She was able to calm down and then talk to me about her emotions. I don't try to fix it for them, I talk to them through it. I don't make them feel shame, I am making them know that their feelings are safe with me. It can be so hard because a meltdown can trigger so many emotions in ourselves. Can trigger anger and frustration. There has been times I felt like that, and that's when I choose to step away for about 5 minutes, take a few breaths, then come back calm and ready to work through it with my toddler.
It's a challenging stage we are in with our children but it is a lifelong journey. We are all emotional creatures. We may act differently in different situations but emotions is a big part of our life. Learning to regulate them, is so important. Not just as children, but as adults too. It is never too late to learn how to regulate your emotions. What makes it easier to learn, is having that emotional support. And that I am lucky enough to have with my husband. And my girls have with me.
Thank you so much for reading!
Susana
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