This past weekend was my college Homecoming weekend. We missed our 10 year last year, so decided to go this year. I'm reflecting on the weekend and feeling so blessed for the friendships I have. This weekend was not only about visiting my alma mater, but also about spending time with a few people who love me for me. Who just want to spend time with me, talk to me about what's going on in my life, enjoy the stories of my girls and my dog, listen to my struggles and my hurt, and lift me up when I express moments of struggle. I feel comfortable sharing my opinions, feel comfortable singing off key in the back seat of the car to our favorite college jams, and not once do I feel sadness for leaving my family and having a weekend for myself.
These are the friendships worth fighting for. The friendships I will forever stay loyal to. And I realized something this past weekend, I am a damn loyal friend and when the effort is mutual, I will bend over backwards for them. I am proud of this quality I have in myself and with my closest friends.
Back home, I don't have many friends. I have family members but most family members I feel we are civil with because we have to but we don't actually have a true friendship. I have my siblings, but we also fight and disagree way more because obviously we're siblings. That's a normal dynamic. They're my friends of course, but it's a different kind of friendship. It's a different kind of loyalty and support of each other especially when family drama happens. I can always count on my siblings to be in my corner and support me. Especially recently.
I had more friends a few years ago when I was teaching and when I was a server. I had more friends when I was enjoying the single life after college and always traveling to visit friends in their towns. Things changed when I got married, changed when I left the restaurant life, changed when I became a mom, changed when I left teaching and changed even more when I moved two hours away from family and my childhood town.
But what hasn't changed are my college friends. We can go months without seeing each other, even without talking to each other and then when we do see each other, it's like no time has passed. It's never awkward, we just genuinely and mutually love and cherish our friendships that everything said and done is so natural. What I realized is this is all I need. I don't need many friendships, I just need a few loyal ones.
I believe that living in this new town, I'll meet new people and may find some mom friends. And I'm okay with that. And maybe at some point in my life I will find another loyal friendship like my college friends. I'm feeling content though, as if I don't need it. I am content and blessed with who I have in my life.
There are however friendships I miss and wonder what would have been if I kept contact with when life started getting busy. I think of my high school friends. I with my high schools friends are more of acquaintances. We follow each other on social media and have an idea what's going on in each others' life but it isn't an actual friendship. I had some really good friends in high school. Very sweet and loyal ones and I honestly blame myself for not keeping them. I don't think I appreciated them as much as I appreciated my college friends. I had one friend in high school that was honestly the one friend I was always myself around. We tried to keep in touch but like I said, life got busy and we didn't think about each other. Last year, she passed away. She was only 30 years old. I remember feeling so much regret when I found out about her passing. Regret that I once had this incredible friendship with her, and now I don't have the chance to rekindle it. I've been thinking about her a lot recently, feeling sad that she is no longer here enjoying the beauty of life and growing up. The life of motherhood, the life she always wanted. The life we dreamed about when in high school. This regret though that I'm feeling helped me to realize that a simple message can go a long way. Reaching out to a friend simply saying "I'm thinking about you, I hope you're doing well". Anything. I have a few friends that do this to me. Sometimes my siblings even do this to me and it is so greatly appreciated. The type of friendships that are not one sided and both parties genuinely want to make sure the other is okay. It is a lesson learned for me. The friendships I want to keep, I will do this to. And forever do this to. I don't want to feel this kind of regret ever again.
How do you feel about your friendships? Do you feel having a few loyal ones are better than having a whole bunch that you're more acquaintances with? Let me know! I'd love to chat about it!
Thank you so much for reading ❤️
Susana
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