I love my two little girls more than anything else in the entire world. They are my everything. My little family with them and my husband is the best. There was a time I dreamed about what being a mom would be like. No one can truly prepare you for the experience. It is life changing. I learned so much when I became a mom, but I grew as a person when I became a mom to two. It challenged me more than I expected. I am so grateful for it. Here is what I learned as a Mom of Two.
Less is More:
Toys, clothes, shoes, blankets, stuffed animals, accessories, books, everything becomes double without realizing. I do feel lucky that I have two girls very close in age, so they enjoy the same things, wear the same size clothes now that they’re a little older, and play with the same toys. They have their own things, but also share a lot too. Recently, I donated SO MUCH. Everything except for books. We also put them both in the same room (story for another day) and used the second room as a play room. I also binned up everything. The only thing I keep out and didn’t donate or store away are all the books. I put their books together and created a large collection they both have access to. By donating, keeping the clothes and toys to a minimum, the cleanup is easier, the laundry is quick and manageable, and I don’t feel overwhelmed. Being home with them, it got easy to feel overwhelmed. Everything felt like a mess, and I couldn’t manage all the clothes. So by downsizing, everything changed.
What you works for one, most likely doesn’t work for the other:
This was a hard lesson to learn. Especially when the girls were babies. I really struggled with my second. She was Colic and had acid reflux that got stuck in her chest. The sleep regressions, the wakings, the feedings, the soothing techniques, the sleep training, literally everything, was so different for both. I felt like with my first, I had my shit together. My second humbled me big time.
How often I get the question “Are they twins”:
I knew it was possible especially when finding out I was having a second baby and that they would be 16 months apart. Now that my girls are 3 and 4, they look so much a like, have the same hair color, almost the same height, talk the same, they even like to dress the same. Yes their personalities are different, but the initial look at them, I get the above question A LOT. At first it would make me laugh, but now I get it. I get why people think it and ask it right away. It will interesting to see if they get that same question into their teenage years. I can predict no. I think my 2nd born will be taller than my 1st born and that people will probably assumes she’s the oldest. It has been an interesting lesson to see my girls in the eyes of others.
Comparing is Worst Enemy:
One thing I am very intentional about is comparing my kids. I do sometimes catch myself in this. I don’t want them to feel like they have to compete against each other for either my love and attention or really anything. I’m trying my to look at them as individuals even though we do everything together. They are different and keeping their experiences separate help me from comparing. It’s probably my biggest challenge as a parent. I want to celebrate their differences instead of making them feel shame for being different.
Find a Balance:
I didn’t realize how important this was when I first became a mom. When I became a mom of two, balance was harder. I struggled with postpartum depression, anxiety and mom guilt. I struggled leaving. But I realized when I found a way to be myself, find time for friends, take moments of self-care, it not only helped me become a better mom but kinder to myself. My motherhood journey changed dramatically when I found a good balance and motherhood wasn’t my only identity.
Emotional Needs are different:
Oh man, this one was a tough one to figure out. It is not only learning about what each girl needs emotionally, but also their preference when they are in a meltdown. And also when they both need me emotionally at the exact same time. I have to pick and choose how to each situation carefully so one doesn’t feel I’m favoring one over the other. My 1st born when she’s sad wants immediate hugs. It is immediate soothing. My 2nd born needs space. Her meltdowns are a little more intense. We found this out pretty early on. The best way to handle her emotions is to give her time and space because if you push too hard, it escalates her emotions. Waiting for her to call us to her makes all the difference. And then we help her regulate when she’s ready helps minimize the escalation. What triggers each of them is very different too. Our biggest lesson we’ve learned that is the same for both of them is if we remain calm during their moments of emotional chaos, it helps manage each meltdown. Is this hard? Absolutely. Do we sometimes need to tag in and out to avoid triggers? Oh yes. As exhausting as it is, we make it work.
Time Saving Hacks:
There are so many little changes that can made to make such a difference. My favorite hack is socks. I don’t ever match socks. Not even my own. But when I became a mom of two, I had to figure out the sock situation. I was struggling with matching, making sure there was enough, or getting mixed up. So what I did was chose one color in a large pack for each girl. My oldest has white, my youngest has gray. I have a basket in their drawer that’s for socks. When I clean their clothes, I put the socks in the basket and grab two when it’s time to wear them. The girls know their sock color too. It is a game changer. To this day, my favorite hack.
Fighting:
I had to learn that no matter how much you teach young children about kindness and loving each other, fighting is still inevitable. Their bond is very strong. They spend so much time together since I’m home with them and I love it, but more recently, the fighting has been occurring more. I had to learn that when a fight happens, I don’t automatically interfere. They will never learn how to work out conflict with each other if I always step in. It’s when the screaming and hitting starts that I step in. When I do step in, I try very hard to not favor one over the other. I hear both sides and we work through the conflict together. Facilitating this does teach them how to work through it together. But it has been a work in progress. They have grown in talking to each other, grown in working conflict out with each other, but they still need me. Keeping in mind that they are only 3 and 4, it is developmentally appropriate for fighting to happen. I don’t shame it, I help them work through it and come up with a fair solution, a fair compromise both girls are happy with. This has taken tons of practice and a crap ton of patience.
Winning and Losing:
We’ve been playing more games with each other recently. Learning how to be a good loser at this age is so hard to teach. Learning how to be a kind winner is also very hard. One will always win and one will always lose. But how they act and treat each other when that happens is a challenge. When my 3 year old loss a game of Pretty, Pretty, Princess to my 4 year old. It did not go well. An insane meltdown happened because she wanted to win. I mean who doesn’t want to win the right? Once she calmed down, I used this as a teaching moment to teach her what it means to lose. We are a big Bluey house and there’s an episode in Season 3 that teaches about winning and losing. It’s when the littles all go to different birthday parties and they play the game “Pass the Parcel”. There can only be one winner. The character Bingo keeps losing, until the very end. She finally wins. With each passing game that she lost, she learned why it mean to be a good loser. She was happy for those who won recognizing it’s okay to be sad about losing, but to try again next time. We played this episode for my 3 year old and talk about it often. We wanted to teach her that it’s okay to be sad, angry, disappointed in losing, it’s a great lesson to keep trying but also be proud of those who win. She has become better and better with each game. She still cries but not to the extent she did the first time. This also was a great lesson to my 4 year old. I honestly never thought before becoming a mom of two that this was going to be an issue we’d have to figure out how to work through and to teach valuable lessons. But thank you to Bluey for the resources. It really helped put it into perspective. My 3 year old has come a long way with this.
If you’re a parent of two or more, what lessons did you have to learn after transitioning from one to more kids? Let me know, I’d love to chat about it!
Thank you so much for reading!
Susana
コメント